Sibling Anger Management
“He who angers you conquers you.”
Elizabeth Kenny
Middle school is a tight lidded boiling pot of emotions and hormones. Most bullying and depression starts in Middle School, and if not addressed, only gets worse through High School.
Since anger is a normal, necessary emotion for every human being, we parents must seek to help our children appropriately direct and control this strong emotion.
Reactions vs. Responses
Anger, unfortunately, is sometimes more catching than a yawn, and we parents are not immune.
My 14 year old son bought himself a new video game last weekend, and was playing it with his little brother (11) yesterday. (Ten points in his favor for immediately sharing it!) When they finished a level, big brother got up to get himself something to eat, and little brother stayed active in the game and got the characters ready for the next level.
Little Bro: “Hey, I got you your first badge!”
Big Bro: “WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU DO? STOP RIGHT NOW AND GET OFF”
Little Brother just looked shocked and hurt, and put down the controller.
Now, you and I know why big brother was angry, but neither of the boys knew, and the bell was about to ring to start the next round in the shouting match. My normal reaction to this scenario would have been to yell at big brother for yelling at little brother. Writing that out shows how ineffective and childish that reaction is from this embarrassed adult.
Luckily, I had just read this post by Sharon Silver, and quelched my go-to reaction in favor of a simple response.
I asked big brother if he thought little brother had deliberately messed up his game, and played something importnat to win the badge so he couldn’t. Big brother sheepishly said, “No.”
I then asked little brother if he understood that big brother was angry because he thought little brother had robbed him of the opportunity to get an important badge in the game. Little brother said, “Oh,” with comprehension dawning on his face. Little brother then said, “Sorry, I only advanced the character to be ready to start the next level, and the badge automatically came with the start of the level. It wasn’t an accomplishment or anything.”
I could feel the temperature of the room drop by about 10 degrees, and the snack and glass of water went with big brother to the couch, ready for play to resume.
Thank you Sharon for helping me get to the next level in this game called parenthood! I don’t need any badges, but money would be good….
How have you responded rather than reacted to a situation? What was the outcome?
